So this morning a guy in his fifties came into the office to meet with one of our human resources people, but she was late. Really, really late. 45 minutes late. So this guy sat in the lobby and talked at me for 45 minutes. I was polite, but yikes, people. I am the first to support everyone's right to believe in their own politics, but yikes.

Here are some (verbatim!*) examples of things he said:

"I ran away from home when I was 14, but since then I've read the King James, the Life Application Study Bible, the direct translations from the scrolls, the New American Bible, and all of those, so I can read pretty good now."

"I listened to Glenn Beck all the time when I was on the road as a trucker, and when I got off the road it was like someone was taking my best friend away."

"All those presidents, George Bush Sr. and Jr., Clinton, Carter, Obama... I have video of all of them talking all about globalism and all that, and look here, if we did what they did, we'd go to jail. You can tell just by listening to them talk that they are intentionally making the economy collapse."

"I know for a fact that we're in the end times, so we dug a well, and got some chickens, and my wife has a green thumb so we have a pretty good garden, and we have two 500-gallon propane tanks, a woodstove, a woodshed, and every closet in our house is filled with canned food. The Lord told me to build a compound, so I did, and I hope it will be enough to support me and my wife and our two kids and our two grandkids. My wife, she's pretty educated, but the Holy Spirit told her I was right, so when you have confirmation, it's easy to know what to do."

A few examples of what I said:

"Well... it sounds like you're prepared, at least."

"Wow, it is great that you could teach yourself how to read."

"..."

And lastly, a few example of what I didn't say:

"Glenn Beck is NOT my best friend. Actually, I mostly laugh at the things he says because he is 100% nuts."

"I like Obama. I don't think he's the antichrist, but thanks for sharing."

"CANNED FOOD EXPIRES."

"I'm a liberal heathen, sorry. Nope, no church for me. Plus, I'm totally a lesbian. But I do wish I had a garden..."

And mostly, what I was thinking was someone save me! Someone save me! Where are you, Erica? WHY DID YOU PICK TODAY TO BE LATE??!

*(Yes, really verbatim, because about thirty minutes in to the conversation, I started transcribing some of the winners. So, these are really only the scary things from the last fifteen minutes. You all miss out on the other thirty minutes, because I've blocked them from my memory.)