Caller: Hi, I need to talk to John.
Me: John W*** or John R****?
Caller: John.
Me: ...Yes, certainly. But which one?


Caller: I need concrete dispatch.
Me: (I have no idea what this means.) Yes, of course, do you know the name of the person you're trying to reach?
Caller: Concrete dispatch.
Me: Yes, sir. Do you know what department that would be?
Caller: I need concrete dispatch for Fayetteville.
Me: Yes, of course, but I'm not sure who to direct you to. Do you want to buy concrete? Or do you want to speak with someone out in the field?
Caller: I want to buy some! To be delivered! To the site!
Me: Ah, okay. Just a moment.


Me: (After putting another call on hold to answer the new phone call, which has waited 25 seconds, literally, for me to answer. I know this because I have a timer on my phone system.) Thank you for calling [company], how may I help you?
Caller: WHY THE F*** DOESN'T ANYONE EVER ANSWER THE F***ING PHONE AT THIS PLACE!!?!
Me: ... I'm sorry, sir. How can I direct your call?


Me: Hello, thank you for calling [company], how may I help you?
Caller: Yes, who am I speaking with?
Me: This is Helen.
Caller: Kristen?
Me: No, Helen.
Caller: Ellis?
Me: No, Helen, spelled H-E-L-E-N.
Caller: I think I have a wrong number.


Me: Thank you for calling [company], how may I help you?
Caller: Is this a computer?
Me: Er... no, this is a person...


And then my personal favorite, when I answered the phone and the person on the other end was whistling. Loudly. And out of tune. I don't really think they knew they'd called me. Hah.